what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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