Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
