So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
