I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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