Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
