My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
