Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You have to summon your inner elephant
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
