he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
