I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
