How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
