Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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