So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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