shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
