i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
