Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
