Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Operation Purity has been aborted
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
