my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
