The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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