An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize