Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
