i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
