one two three fourrrrnication!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
