When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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