Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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