hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
