failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
