I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
