she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
