thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
