morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
