Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
