I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
