How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Found the puke drawer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
