I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
