This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
