I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
