Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Actions speak louder than pants.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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