Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
