party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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