My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
