We are two peas in an std pod
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
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Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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