I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
