Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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