You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
