Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
