I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
