So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
