so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
