he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize