the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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