her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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