the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
