I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
