I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
