He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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