i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
