To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
