Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
