I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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