i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
