I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
