Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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