Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
