Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
