My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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