so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
