and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
