if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
