I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
