beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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