My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
