How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
