I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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