Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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