So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
