If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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