god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
