Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
