Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
