Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
